


but i'm still a little bit yours

by thegreenfairy246



Series: uptown girl [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - 1940s, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Light Angst, Post-War, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:35:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29954199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: bucky goes to war and misses you, he comes home and misses you
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: uptown girl [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192178
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	but i'm still a little bit yours

It’s a Tuesday the day Steve almost dies. A bullet flies through the air, lodges itself in his right shoulder. Bucky gets his left arm over his shoulder, carries him in the direction of the medical tent. Sam at his side, with an ever present ear trained to the sound of more gunfire.

Bucky sheds the arm, helps Steve onto a cot.

“You should have left me.” Steve mumbles. “Been a hell of a lot easier.”

“Hey, what’d I say, huh? The three of us until the end of the line.” Bucky shakes his head. “This ain’t it. It ain’t here.” Bucky grabs the side of Steve’s face. “You’re gonna get outta here. You’re gonna live until you’re old and fat, grandchildren crawling all over you.”

Steve chuckles, a barely there thing. “If you say so.”

“I do. So do me a favor and listen for once in your life, huh?”

Later, Steve on a helicopter on his way back to civilization, Bucky sits down to write his daily letter–the weight on his heart heavier than usual.

_My Dearest Love,_

_I write to you from places far away. I hope you're warm and safe tonight, enjoying your life. Today was bad here. Steve…he almost died. It makes you think, being over here, makes you wonder about your life. I think what we had was important. I know it didn’t last long, was a bit of a whirlwind, but it was real, I believe.  
I'm afraid, doll. I used to be certain I’d see you again–could feel it in my bones. Now, after today… Steve was almost gone. Just like that, he could have never seen Peggy again.   
If I have to die here, I want you to know: You are in my heart, no matter what happened with us–you’ve never left. You changed me, the way I looked at the world. You made me better.  
Thank you. I’ll cherish the gifts you gave me for as long as I can.  
I love you._

_Bucky_

He folds the note, puts it in an envelope, slides it under his pillow. He’ll get it in the mail in the morning.

It’s not so long after that when Bucky and Sam get to go home. As the train pulls into the station, Bucky can see Peggy, Steve, and Natasha standing on the platform. They look the same, mostly. Steve has his right arm in a sling, Peggy is wrapped around his left side. Natasha is there, a tearful smile on her face.

They get off the train and Natasha is rushing towards Sam. When they meet, he picks her up, spins her around.

Bucky is taken by surprise when Peggy collides with him. She throws her arms around his neck, squeezes. 

“Thank you,” she murmurs. “If he hadn’t come home, I don’t know what…” She trails off with a hiccupping breath, and Bucky knows she’s crying.

Bucky’s arms come up and wrap around her. “Hey, it’s okay.” He pulls away a bit, looks her in the eyes. “I would do it again in a second.”

She smiles a watery smile, nods. She releases Bucky, and he moves towards Steve, pulls him into a hug. He can see Peggy hugging Sam out of the corner of his eye.

Steve wraps his one good arm around Bucky. “Really, man. Thank you.”

Bucky pulls back, claps Steve on his good shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”

They pile into Steve’s car, go back to the house he shares with Peggy. The five of them share a dinner, excited to be in each other’s company again.

Later, Bucky is grabbing a beer, going to the porch to sit with Steve and Sam, when he hears them talking–low murmurs of a conversation that halt him where he stands.

"I saw her, you know."

Bucky can hear the quizzical lilt in Sam’s voice. “Who?”

“Y/N. In the hospital they sent me to, she was volunteering.”

“No.” Sam gasps. “How was she?”

“I don’t know. We never spoke and I don’t think she ever saw me.” Steve pauses. Bucky assumes he’s taking a drink of his beer, can almost hear his throat work as he swallows. “She looked good, though. Happy.”

Sam sighs. “S’not like we can expect her to still be torn up about it–if she even was at all.”

“I dunno. I think she loved him like he did her.”

“Does. Does love her.” Sam scoffs. “Barnes has never gotten over her. Man, you know he writes to her everyday.”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe it helps–talking to her like that.”

“Maybe so, but-”

Bucky, tired of being psychoanalyzed, steps through the back door onto the porch. He looks at his friends, smiles and motions to the empty rocking chair next to Steve. “You mind?”

Steve shakes his head. “Course not.”

Bucky sits, takes a sip of his beer. “So, what are you talking about out here?”

Steve chokes on his drink. Sam gives him a pointed look, answers Bucky instead. “Just what it was like for Steve, coming back injured and all.”

“Yeah?” Bucky almost wants to say he heard them, but the bigger part of him wants to hide it. He doesn’t think he can listen to his choices being put under a microscope right in front of him.

Steve nods. “Yeah. That was it.”

“M’kay.” Bucky nods. “Neat.”

They finish their drinks, begin to go back to their own homes. Steve and Peggy stand out front, watch Sam and Bucky drive away. Sam, in the direction of the home he and Natasha share. Bucky, to the old house he’d lived in before.

Pulling into the driveway, it looks just the same. A ghost of a thing, it looks almost haunted. That night, he goes to bed feeling achingly lonely.

The next morning, Bucky goes out, sits on his porch and watches the trees blow in the wind. He pulls out his notebook, finds a fresh page to write you a letter.

_My Sweetest Friend,_

_The world back at home is the same as it always was. Here without you, though, it all seems muted somehow. The birds still chirp, the leaves still change, but none of it moves me, not the way it used to.  
How am I supposed to go on this way? It’s like you’ve taken part of my heart with you, and now it’s walking around outside of me–just a cavern where it used to be. I feel hollow.   
I’m back in my old place, the address is the same. If you want me, you know where to find me.  
I love you, always._

_Bucky_

Things go on this way for years. Bucky spends his days frozen in time–stuck in the past. All his friends are moving on, getting married. He can’t bring himself to want the same for himself–not without you.

On a day just like any other, Bucky watches as a car drives down his road. Squinting, he tries to get a peek at the driver, fails miserably. Bucky is taken by surprise when it turns down his driveway. He stands, walks off the porch. As the car finally slows to a stop, Bucky can see the driver and it stops him cold. The driver’s side door opens, and Bucky’s past steps out. You–older, sure, but your eyes are still the same.

You put a hand on the car door, smile at Bucky. “Hi, James.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you liked it, you can follow me on tumblr @blueberrythor


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